Song of a Sparrow

I can't remember a time in my life that I've had so little sleep. 2 hours last night and I'm still going!  Keep rooting for me :)

With Springtime finally appearing up here in Ithaca, I notice some things about Spring are the same at home and some things are missing.  Things I didn't notice meant so much to me while I was there: 1. The smell of Long Island.  Ithaca doesn't really have one the air feels very clear, which I guess is actually a better thing.  But while L.I.'s might not always be a pretty smell, it's home.  This is the time of year I would park my car down by the water with my journal and a snack and take in that salty-sea-mixed-with-boat-fuel smell. 2. Stupid Seagulls... I hate them when they try to steal my french fries at the beach or when they poop on my car, but there is something home-y about rolling down my car windows and hearing the seagulls squawk as they fly around scavenging. 3. The first buds of life coming out of the ground around my house... I don't have a garden here (yet!). 4. The sound of my dad's pond trickling when I open my windows for some fresh ai

I finally found a title that I like for this blog, that I feel applies exactly to what I want to say about my life.  I will describe in more detail eventually, but right now I have to get back to writing a paper.  Just wanted to inform you that the title is officially changed and hopefully this one will stick and I won't get sick of it. ;)

Today, a little surprise thought came to me.  It put in me a hope and a fear that my plans might change.  The plans that I left to God saying, "Here is the choice I made - do with it what You will," may now require me to make a new choice.  I really just wanted Him to make the choices for me from here on in now that I thought I did my part. As my comforts and joys have been settling themselves into place in the season of life I am in now, it causes me to wonder if I really want more than this.  The truth is I want more of whatever will bring me closer to God.  If my plans change and I go to new places and new horizons, well then I will continue to trust in Him just the same... but it is unexpected and it will mean sacrificing other things, other hopes that I may be holding onto deep down inside, and always, always trusting in Him.

This last little paragraph from a Spurgeon devotional this morning just gave me a new energy with which to start my day.  It's one of those rainy icky mornings where I know I have much ahead of me and should probably already be at school but I'm still in pajamas in bed... In all the things that I find oppressive about life's environment and even in battling my own lazy humanly tendencies (which in this case I think it more the issue - because overall my life is quite blessed I should not be complaining), I have the comfort of the love of Christ.  Remembering His love and aspiring to reflect such great love gives me a new vitality to draw from as I begin a new day: "We never would have known Christ's love in all its heights and depths if He had not died; nor could we guess the Father's deep affection if He had not given His Son to die. The common mercies we enjoy all sing of love, just as the seashell, when we put it to our ears, whispers the sounds of the dee

"Lord I cry out to you from the darkness, 'Bring me light to extinguish my fears,' help me count every one of your mercies as you count every one of my tears. And I need not face this world without you when I leave the comfort of my home, but I need the same faith you showed to me because I know narrow is the road." These are words from one of my sister's songs.  It gets me every single time.  I can picture her sitting in her college apartment writing this prayer out in her journal and then one day it was put to music and made even more beautiful.  This is where I am now.  And it's a comfort to know she went before me, but even more an encouragement to know that the Lord goes before me.  That He will bring light to extinguish my fears and I need not face this world without Him. Thank you Jesus.

So... I'm setting up my DropBox and pretty much moving my whole life to this website and thinking "Lord, I pray that no one ever hacks this company or their computers never crash, because I am taking all of this off my computer and outsourcing it."  And in the process (though if I'm up this late I should be studying so I am having a half-panic attack about all I need to accomplish in the meantime) I came across a note I wrote to myself on March 14th of last year.  I think it's either ironic or God reminding me of lessons He is teaching or both... because it's talking about humbleness and last year I seemed really excited by the idea and this year as I feel it's actually happening, that is a lot more of challenge: "I would loooove to write a book about humbleness.   It just came to me today that this is something I want to write about, because it is something I want to display my whole life long.   Humbleness is not one of those qu

I love poetry!  Not always so great at it, but being it's National Poetry Month, why not celebrate with another little bit of wordiness ;) "Tonight the world is still Time passes though there feels no movement Sequestered thoughts whirl through the mind But outside the barren streets are quiet. Much toiling lies in the days ahead The ever-puzzling question comes: When is the end? Yet... truly long for the end to come? The end of this season requires stepping Toward the obscurity of the fearsome Unknown The heart begs now, Lord, continue to be made known as the day in the midst of this melancholy night..." Soooo a little dramatic, a little different than my typical style, but I hope it speaks to someone tonight.  We are not alone in our questioning and fear, nor are we alone in the quiet nights.  Not always, but I sometimes find the quiet stillness of the night to be a more beautiful and intimate time spent with God than the blazing joys and light of day.

Ok so maybe it's a blogging faux pax to blog posts within like 20minutes of each other, but right now is when I have the free time. Today I bring to you a picture of this little fuzzy caterpillar thing that crossed my path on a walk/jog-attempt around Stewart Park. He was all alone and slowly creeping his own way across the path. I was reminded afresh of what a beautiful metaphor caterpillars can be for our lives. I try not to be too Christian cliché with my metaphors, but I think that God gave us things in nature like this to not see them as cliché but to constantly be reminded of His majesty throughout creation. I looked at this caterpillar, why did he cross my particular path at this particular moment as I was walking and praying and worshipping?? Because he was a reminder that the trials of life that challenge my faith and the unfortunate insecurities that plague my thoughts are not the end. God has promised to transform and renew these sinful hearts. He has already saved m

I love getting mail and unfortunately my mailbox has been a little barren lately, except for a traffic ticket that arrived to remind me I have to pay it.  And I don't just love getting letters, I love mailing them and I fear with all the business that life has brought I have taken little time to encourage and write to the people who have been on my heart much.  Well, today my dear dear cousin wrote me a letter of encouragement.  Just a short simple reminder that is so profound and so encouraging to the heart.  I didn't ask her permission but as she is one of maybe three people who read this, I doubt she'll mind my quoting her: "Life gets challenging and sticky.  But it need not be unbearable if we could just remember the One to whom we have been eternally bound to.  And how much sweeter the sweet moments when we realize we've had no part in their occurrence!  And the very best part of ALL... God can even be found in life's ordinary moments, which is where I t

"I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word." Psalm 119:15-16 Psalm 119 is one of my favorites though, I'm sure it is for a lot of people. But here today is just another reminder to keep working hard and persevering. Not because I want the recognition and to be a straight-A student (which I do deep down even though at this point it is virtually impossible), but because I love the Lord and I long to love His statutes the way King David did. I long to look at the laws of God and love them because I love Him and not because the Bible tells me to but because I really do. Sacrifice isn't fun or easy, but I pray the Lord is teaching me to love it because it's far more worth it to be fixed on His ways rather than my own. Make me committed Lord Jesus that I may ever meditate on the beauty of Your laws and not forget Your word.

Practicing His Presence - 1930 "I feel simply carries along each hour, doing my part in a plan which is far beyond myself. This sense of cooperation with God in little things is what so astonishes me, for I have never felt this way before. I need something, and turn around to find it waiting for me. I must work to be sure, but there is God working along with me. My part is to live this hour in continuous inner conversation with God and in perfect responsiveness to His will. This seems to be all I need to think about."

Whisper to my heart, O Lord Awake my eyes with light Let morning bring new hope and joy Be ever in my sight Let tenderness deeply overwhelm The marrow of my soul So I may love as You love And so fulfill my role The torrents of the days ahead These fearsome gales I see Let not my faith faint in this swivet But rather trust in Thee Whisper to my heart, O Lord Awake my eyes with light To serve, to trust, to face the day, I am bolstered by Your might. -KF