Kept and Held

I do not think my testimony is a common one.  I mean, I've met people who have similar stories, but it's not the kind of testimony you typically hear in a sermon or a Christian conference.  Often you hear some story of someone who, by God's grace, turned from a deeply disturbing and destructive path.  Drug addictions, violence, explicit sexual lifestyles, stealing, abused childhoods, poverty, false religions, etc. you get the point.  While very moved by all of these testimonies I could never relate directly.  I was the girl brought up by two very loving parents, who got along well with my siblings, who loved going to church and believed in Jesus for as long as I can remember; and I don't think I was ever grounded...ever.  I am not saying this to make myself sound good, because I know I'm not.  I am hopelessly flawed indeed, but I'm just saying this to illustrate how I could not relate.  My idea of rebellion was sharing a soda with my friend when my mom said I shouldn't because I could get sick from germs.  I grew up thinking maybe I didn't have a testimony because mine didn't sound like those other people who spoke about how Christ changed their lives. 

What I have learned in the past few years, is that my life is a testimony simply because I didn't make myself.  God did.  I didn't choose a loving family.  God did.  I didn't choose to be brought up in church in middle class America.  God did.  I also credit God for the fact that no one asked me to junior prom.  I'm serious, I do, because as I trace over the pattern of my life so far, it's that God has hemmed me in.  Do I still mess up and make stupid mistakes?  Yes.  Do I still have a rebellious heart that sometimes wants to run from God?  Yes.  That's why I cannot take the credit for my testimony.  The Spirit did not turn me from a path of darkness once I was way down the road, He simply wouldn't let me wander too far before He pulled my heart back in again.  That was His choice for my life and I cannot say it is anything of myself, because if left to my choices and decisions, I would have certainly made some pretty poor ones by now.  He has either kept me from desiring the worldly path, or held me back when I tried to run for it.  

The name Katie means "Pure One."  I learned that when I was about 13, and without knowing the weight of what it truly meant, I begged God that I would live up to that name.  That until I was married I would be pure and not just date for the sake of dating and waste away my heart.  Now at 24 purity is not just about singleness and dating, purity is a lifestyle.  Purity is living without blemish, which is impossible in this imperfect world, but we must continue to chase after it until we finish the race of life. Purify your hearts and minds, not just your bodies, so they may be pure and holy living sacrifices for the Lamb who has already sacrificed Himself for us.  

If this is your testimony, I hope you are encouraged to know that it is not boring or self-righteous to recognize that this is just the path God has chosen for your life.  If this is not your testimony, remember that the Lord had a purpose in what trials He allowed you to walk through.  No one testimony is better than the other, it's just a different experience.  The point is living in Christ now in this moment.  That is what we are called to do.