Song of a Sparrow

Cool crisp autumn air. A sunset shining through slate colored clouds. A single leaf slowly floats to the ground. I'm listening to The City of Prague Philharmonic's "Love Theme" from Romeo & Juliet... "If you find my beloved, tell him that I am sick with love." Song of Solomon 5:8 Thank you My Lord for this moment of beauty.

As I reflect on my graduate student experience coming to a close I have much to ponder. First, how quickly this has already come and gone and second, where am I headed next? It has certainly been a year of humbling, stretching, and breaking, but also one of discovery and independence and joy. While, like anyone, I can be prone to get stuck in pity parties when things are not going my way, today I am happy to say it's all been worth it. A life with our Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is enough. This is the message that God has been relentlessly working on my heart this year. I still don't fully get it, don't know if I ever will, but it has definitely been an overarching theme for my life in this particular last year.    He has been exposing my selfish tendencies, my prideful actions, and my sin in general. He has also reminded me of my great great need for Him and His unfailing grace. This morning we took communion at church and I thought about the deep deep desire I have to...

Yesterday we watched this movie in my class.  Here is the trailer for those interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liMhBbl7NDk I've seen it before in undergrad as well. In the 1970's Geraldo Rivera did a film expose on the treatment of over 5000 individuals with mental and physical disabilities who were institutionalized in this "school" on Staten Island.  I was once again brought to tears. Tears that wondered how anyone could treat human beings so inhumanely and tears that asked how God could have allowed such suffering.  I know He felt the pain thousands of times more than me because He knew and created each one of those individuals.  Some He would welcome home and some will have died never believing in Christ as their Savior.  I have no answer to this question, I just was pondering it and needed to put it out there for the world. Especially today being September 11th, I think a lot of people are asking that question - believers and unbelievers alik...

Written on the back of a prayer request card during one church service this past summer... Pull the scales from my eyes Rip them one by one A calloused heart I've contended with But the battle shall be done. The fruit of life comes laboriously As mediocrity ensnares But break me loose of complacency In whatever this life fares. Take up the armor to fight the fight and when weary just to stand Do not settle for less than Christ I'll live for His commands.

I was reminded by a professor the other day that in our field of Speech-Language Pathology some of our clients may not live to even 25 years of age. That is why we want to give them the best quality of life while they live.  I agreed, but as she said it an overwhelming emotion ran over me with the reminder that this is not the only life. I cannot exactly explain the feeling itself, but it was one of those times where I was grateful to God for the opportunity to speak into the lives of others and broken hearted by how much I have missed sharing the Gospel thus far.  I do not know to what extent I will be able to share the truth with my clients, but I am a Christian before I am an SLP. Of course, I want them to live full and meaningful lives on earth and being able to help them communicate will do that, but I know that apart from Christ, there will never be such a true joy in this life. I do know that in heaven my clients will be able to walk, run, sing, and praise the Name of t...

Pass this heart through the flaming forge Purify with silver and gold Clear the wonton-ness and scourge All that turns affections cold Pit Passion against apathy's day Nor let thankfulness grow dim Break and mold this heart of clay To be reformed by the hands of Him In the furnace pride wanes and cracks Put trust in place, where this heart lacks Give resolve to never compromise And waste the blessings of His prize Bring pain and teaching if You must Yet remember, Lord, this heart is dust Preserve and cleanse, rebuild once more Bind to Thine own heart, forevermore.

"What will it take this heart to surrender? For what I have done, Lord help me remember It's Your Grace that holds me in Your arms of love, Crimson stains washed over in Your flood. Chorus: Holy, Pure, Perfect, & True Giver of Life, I'm running to You Chains broken now, Mercy's in view Lift Your Name high above all other names Singing God You reign, God You reign Stumbling down this road of grief You say at the Cross I'll find relief It's Your Grace, lifts my eyes up from this earth And by Your love I see that I have worth Chorus: Holy, Pure, Perfect, & True Giver of Life, I'm running to You Chains broken now, Mercy's in view Lift Your Name high above all other names Singing God You reign, God You reign I eat of this bread, drink of this cup Come what may don't let me give up It's Your Grace from whom all blessings flow When strength is failing, this I know Chorus: Holy, Pure, Perfect, & True Giver of L...

Thank you Elisabeth Elliot once again for your reminders that you infuse into my life.  This is such a good book I need to go back and read it again.... and I need to stop blogging when I'm in class, it's kind of exactly the opposite of what this book is preaching ;) “Choices will continually be necessary and -- let us not forget -- possible. Obedience to God is always possible. It is a deadly error to fall into the notion that when feelings are extremely strong we can do nothing but act on them.”  

I don't have time to really write right now, I have an article summary to be completing for my summer course.  But I just wanted to share the reminder that there is power in prayer.  Once again God is calling me back to a place of truly trusting that my words are like incense in bowls of gold offered at the heavenly throne (see Revelation 5 and 8).  I mean at this point in my life I feel like I am wrestling God in so many ways and seeing so keenly how much I fail at being a "good and faithful servant," but it all boils down to Grace and prayer is going to get me there.  Giving God the time of day, leaning on Him and trusting in the power of this gift He has given me to connect with Him, and admiring and naming all of His glorious works... and also believing Him for the desires of my heart. Always asking that my will be conformed to His will, but also hoping and praying that maybe some of my desires are His desires and He is a God who knows my heart and is willing to ...

I'm sure others know this feeling.  Awaking to the face of another in your thoughts, whether it be someone you care about or someone you'd like to forget, the person finds their way into the dawn of your new day.  At such times God is faithful yet again.  The prayer that leaves my lips is "Lord Jesus, please let me see your face only!"  His answer comes quickly and concretely to me in Psalm 17:15: "As for me, I shall  behold your face in righteousness;      when I  awake, I shall be  satisfied with your likeness."

After a long school day last week with much studying ahead I decided to take a walk to the grocery store to buy some snacks before my study group came over. All geared up in my rain coat and Wellies I took a wet but pleasant stroll in the rain and had my headphones playing some worship music. It's freeing sometimes knowing I can just walk somewhere if I want to. It's hard in today's world to do things like that especially for people like me who think there is an attacker lurking around every corner, but honestly this day was perfect. The rain fell down, the worship in my heart lifted up, and the neighbors wild flowers looked even more beautiful sparkling with in drops of water than they do drying up in the sun. It may look like an ordinary old street, but to me it was a moment in the rain. A moment to meet with my God and remember how His hand crafted all of this... ALL of this!! He is so big and mighty! And I just want to love Him more and more and more. He is so beautif...

Oh Elisbaeth Elliot, you get me every time! Looking back in my journal from about a year ago here is an E.E. quote I kept. Just helps to keep life in perspective when singleness feels a bit redundant: "First of all, it is not our job to set about trying to coerce the men. They must answer to God who them the initiators. But a woman must answer to God by her acceptance of singleness, seeking to know Him in it and converting it into good by a peaceful, 'Yes, Lord!' Rather than into evil by a rebellious, 'No!'"

Walking home from the grocery store a few weeks ago I took these photos.  It was so exciting to finally see some life growing after such a terrible winter. I am in love with these little blue wildflowers and this space under the tree looks like the most inviting place to sit and write! This is just to show how it was super rainy, I actually pretty much got soaked on my walk home, but it was one of those afternoons that I felt so powerfully that joy in the hope I have in Christ.  God created this beautiful world and these tiny blue flowers; He created the rain that just washed over me.  I sang along in worship with my iPod and walked and prayed and admired. God is so good! This picture may not do it justice but just the emptiness of the street and the rain drops on the pavement... gave me so so much peace.  I could not help but be filled with joy. Today as I think about these things and think of how great the Lord is and how He loves us, I am remin...

I can't be your Band-Aid Though I want to And I try I know that I can't fix you But it's hard to just walk by Band-Aids are only temporary And that's all I will be If I try to heal you and you depend on me But let me tell you There is hope You don't have to look far A hope that heals the deepest parts of your deepest scar

I've been meaning to do this for weeks now but life escapes me. Ithaca has been such a harsh winter that it was pure bliss the first night we got a breath of warm air rolling in. Classes were still killing me but it was about time to take a little break and let it feel like summer. So here are some pics of my friends our first "BBQ" of the season! :) Peter and Stephen happy to have such yummy goodness on their plates! Probably a little less happy that I am making them wait while I take photos to document everything. (Note:  I made the mac and cheese) Stephen made these handmade incredibly tasty juicy burgers!!  Caroline is ready to eat her burger! Taking a selfie... yes I'm being that person... can't wait to eat my burger with the disproportionately large italian bread - bread.

So there are so many more things I could talk about and catch up on, especially things God is teaching me in this life. Hopefully I'll find time to go back and cover the things I've forgotten to post, but in the meantime let me say I'm back on a baking kick. There is nothing quite so satisfying to me as working hard, putting something in the oven, filling the house with yummy smells, and then having this fabulous treat come out minutes later! More exciting is my expansion beyond cookies and brownies. I love trying new recipes and flavors and I am addicted to recipe browsing online. I probably owe Ithaca College some paper after printing so much goodness! Yesterday I made a cheesecake for the first time and was totally blessed by the overwhelming praises of the people who ate it. I doubt it was as good as they say, but I'm also not super crazy about cheesecake. My favorite thing was making homemade blueberry sauce to top it off. So much better than buying from a can...

I said, "Let me walk in the fields." He said, "No; walk in the town." I said, "There are no flowers there." He said, "No flowers, but a crown." I said "But the skies are black, There is nothing but noise and din;" And He wept as He sent me back; "There is more," He said, "there is sin." I said, "But the air is thick, And clouds are veiling the sun." He answered, "Yet souls are sick, and souls in the dark undone." I said, "I shall miss the light, And friends will miss me, they say." He answered, "Choose tonight If I am to miss you, or they." I pleaded for time to be given. He said, "Is it hard to decide? It will not seem hard in Heaven To have followed the steps of your Guide." I cast one look at the fields, Then set my face to the town; He said, "My child, do you yield? Will you leave the flowers for the crown?" Then into His ha...

I find that patience in the faith would be a lot easier if I had a firm guarantee that what I wanted was waiting for me at the end... But that's not how God works. We are called to patience and to trust Him in whatever the future may bring. He does promise us salvation and life with Him everlasting. He goes beyond that and sends us blessings in this world too, even though this life will pass away. Is that enough for us? Can we be patient enough knowing we do have a guaranteed promise in the end even if it's not the one we thought we wanted?? Holy Spirit break open this heart and open my eyes to see Your gift is greater and more than enough of anything I could wish for in this life. Grant me patience and trust while I wait.

I can't remember a time in my life that I've had so little sleep. 2 hours last night and I'm still going!  Keep rooting for me :)

With Springtime finally appearing up here in Ithaca, I notice some things about Spring are the same at home and some things are missing.  Things I didn't notice meant so much to me while I was there: 1. The smell of Long Island.  Ithaca doesn't really have one the air feels very clear, which I guess is actually a better thing.  But while L.I.'s might not always be a pretty smell, it's home.  This is the time of year I would park my car down by the water with my journal and a snack and take in that salty-sea-mixed-with-boat-fuel smell. 2. Stupid Seagulls... I hate them when they try to steal my french fries at the beach or when they poop on my car, but there is something home-y about rolling down my car windows and hearing the seagulls squawk as they fly around scavenging. 3. The first buds of life coming out of the ground around my house... I don't have a garden here (yet!). 4. The sound of my dad's pond trickling when I open my windows for some fresh ai...

I finally found a title that I like for this blog, that I feel applies exactly to what I want to say about my life.  I will describe in more detail eventually, but right now I have to get back to writing a paper.  Just wanted to inform you that the title is officially changed and hopefully this one will stick and I won't get sick of it. ;)

Today, a little surprise thought came to me.  It put in me a hope and a fear that my plans might change.  The plans that I left to God saying, "Here is the choice I made - do with it what You will," may now require me to make a new choice.  I really just wanted Him to make the choices for me from here on in now that I thought I did my part. As my comforts and joys have been settling themselves into place in the season of life I am in now, it causes me to wonder if I really want more than this.  The truth is I want more of whatever will bring me closer to God.  If my plans change and I go to new places and new horizons, well then I will continue to trust in Him just the same... but it is unexpected and it will mean sacrificing other things, other hopes that I may be holding onto deep down inside, and always, always trusting in Him.

This last little paragraph from a Spurgeon devotional this morning just gave me a new energy with which to start my day.  It's one of those rainy icky mornings where I know I have much ahead of me and should probably already be at school but I'm still in pajamas in bed... In all the things that I find oppressive about life's environment and even in battling my own lazy humanly tendencies (which in this case I think it more the issue - because overall my life is quite blessed I should not be complaining), I have the comfort of the love of Christ.  Remembering His love and aspiring to reflect such great love gives me a new vitality to draw from as I begin a new day: "We never would have known Christ's love in all its heights and depths if He had not died; nor could we guess the Father's deep affection if He had not given His Son to die. The common mercies we enjoy all sing of love, just as the seashell, when we put it to our ears, whispers the sounds of the dee...

"Lord I cry out to you from the darkness, 'Bring me light to extinguish my fears,' help me count every one of your mercies as you count every one of my tears. And I need not face this world without you when I leave the comfort of my home, but I need the same faith you showed to me because I know narrow is the road." These are words from one of my sister's songs.  It gets me every single time.  I can picture her sitting in her college apartment writing this prayer out in her journal and then one day it was put to music and made even more beautiful.  This is where I am now.  And it's a comfort to know she went before me, but even more an encouragement to know that the Lord goes before me.  That He will bring light to extinguish my fears and I need not face this world without Him. Thank you Jesus.

So... I'm setting up my DropBox and pretty much moving my whole life to this website and thinking "Lord, I pray that no one ever hacks this company or their computers never crash, because I am taking all of this off my computer and outsourcing it."  And in the process (though if I'm up this late I should be studying so I am having a half-panic attack about all I need to accomplish in the meantime) I came across a note I wrote to myself on March 14th of last year.  I think it's either ironic or God reminding me of lessons He is teaching or both... because it's talking about humbleness and last year I seemed really excited by the idea and this year as I feel it's actually happening, that is a lot more of challenge: "I would loooove to write a book about humbleness.   It just came to me today that this is something I want to write about, because it is something I want to display my whole life long.   Humbleness is not one of those qu...

I love poetry!  Not always so great at it, but being it's National Poetry Month, why not celebrate with another little bit of wordiness ;) "Tonight the world is still Time passes though there feels no movement Sequestered thoughts whirl through the mind But outside the barren streets are quiet. Much toiling lies in the days ahead The ever-puzzling question comes: When is the end? Yet... truly long for the end to come? The end of this season requires stepping Toward the obscurity of the fearsome Unknown The heart begs now, Lord, continue to be made known as the day in the midst of this melancholy night..." Soooo a little dramatic, a little different than my typical style, but I hope it speaks to someone tonight.  We are not alone in our questioning and fear, nor are we alone in the quiet nights.  Not always, but I sometimes find the quiet stillness of the night to be a more beautiful and intimate time spent with God than the blazing joys and light of day. ...

Ok so maybe it's a blogging faux pax to blog posts within like 20minutes of each other, but right now is when I have the free time. Today I bring to you a picture of this little fuzzy caterpillar thing that crossed my path on a walk/jog-attempt around Stewart Park. He was all alone and slowly creeping his own way across the path. I was reminded afresh of what a beautiful metaphor caterpillars can be for our lives. I try not to be too Christian cliché with my metaphors, but I think that God gave us things in nature like this to not see them as cliché but to constantly be reminded of His majesty throughout creation. I looked at this caterpillar, why did he cross my particular path at this particular moment as I was walking and praying and worshipping?? Because he was a reminder that the trials of life that challenge my faith and the unfortunate insecurities that plague my thoughts are not the end. God has promised to transform and renew these sinful hearts. He has already saved m...

I love getting mail and unfortunately my mailbox has been a little barren lately, except for a traffic ticket that arrived to remind me I have to pay it.  And I don't just love getting letters, I love mailing them and I fear with all the business that life has brought I have taken little time to encourage and write to the people who have been on my heart much.  Well, today my dear dear cousin wrote me a letter of encouragement.  Just a short simple reminder that is so profound and so encouraging to the heart.  I didn't ask her permission but as she is one of maybe three people who read this, I doubt she'll mind my quoting her: "Life gets challenging and sticky.  But it need not be unbearable if we could just remember the One to whom we have been eternally bound to.  And how much sweeter the sweet moments when we realize we've had no part in their occurrence!  And the very best part of ALL... God can even be found in life's ordinary moments, which is ...

"I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word." Psalm 119:15-16 Psalm 119 is one of my favorites though, I'm sure it is for a lot of people. But here today is just another reminder to keep working hard and persevering. Not because I want the recognition and to be a straight-A student (which I do deep down even though at this point it is virtually impossible), but because I love the Lord and I long to love His statutes the way King David did. I long to look at the laws of God and love them because I love Him and not because the Bible tells me to but because I really do. Sacrifice isn't fun or easy, but I pray the Lord is teaching me to love it because it's far more worth it to be fixed on His ways rather than my own. Make me committed Lord Jesus that I may ever meditate on the beauty of Your laws and not forget Your word.

Practicing His Presence - 1930 "I feel simply carries along each hour, doing my part in a plan which is far beyond myself. This sense of cooperation with God in little things is what so astonishes me, for I have never felt this way before. I need something, and turn around to find it waiting for me. I must work to be sure, but there is God working along with me. My part is to live this hour in continuous inner conversation with God and in perfect responsiveness to His will. This seems to be all I need to think about."

Whisper to my heart, O Lord Awake my eyes with light Let morning bring new hope and joy Be ever in my sight Let tenderness deeply overwhelm The marrow of my soul So I may love as You love And so fulfill my role The torrents of the days ahead These fearsome gales I see Let not my faith faint in this swivet But rather trust in Thee Whisper to my heart, O Lord Awake my eyes with light To serve, to trust, to face the day, I am bolstered by Your might. -KF

Just got back from a fabulous weekend that if I ever find a spare minute I will take the time to update/ include pictures of the fun festivities.  Nevertheless it is back to reality with a day of clinic treatment, audiology hours, a project of transcribing the speech and language samples of a largely unintelligible one year old, realizing I have to take the time to cook because there is nothing readily available to eat in my apartment, and studying for an exam that I really should have taken more time to study for... Ah life!  And I am not complaining... in fact here I am wasting time blogging.  But I had to because while there are 30 million other things in my life that need attention and another million things in my head that would probably be more interesting to blog about, I have to say the words that I must share (today and always) are about obedience.  I took a little time to play some guitar when (I really want to talk to my friends on the phone or watch a mov...

"The power that raised Him from the grave Now works in us to powerfully save. He frees our hearts to live His grace; Go tell of His goodness!" Have been listening to this song all week, so appropriate considering Easter is coming, but this is a song I pray my heart will sing everyday.  Be lifted up just knowing that no matter what happens in this life, Christ is Risen, He is Risen Indeed! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4E9s_W0sos

"Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear Your Name. I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify Your Name forever." Yes, Lord! Unite my heart that I may give thanks with my whole heart. Do not let my heart desire anything but You alone. Amen

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.   For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,   nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:37-39 Sometimes I question if Speech Pathology is really where I should be simply because I just want to be with people.  I can't save anyone, that's God's job, but I do find great joy in building relationships and encouraging people and sharing with them Author of my faith.  And I think sometimes, I don't want to go to work, I just want to spend time with people.  Going out to lunch, listening to their problems, being a friend.  Being a friend is my profession, being a student of Speech Therapy is my hobby.  haha.  I'm not always good at it, but it's what I want to do. ...